Codependents depend on others for their self-worth. That self-worth most often worth comes from their caretaking or rescuing others, which helps them feel affirmation, value, and love.
People that have a healthy sense of self-worth don’t need to rely on what others think of them.
This has always been tricky for me, as I, more than most people actually, don’t put a lot of weight in what others think of me. In fact, people have told me that I should care more about what others think of me. So this is an area of codependency that I didn’t think I related to when I was in denial about the depth of my codependency.
And the truth of the matter is, I have a very healthy amount of self-confidence. I project that confidence assertively and naturally. But self-confidence isn’t the same thing as self-worth. Well, what is the difference?
Self-confidence is a measure of faith in you own abilities. Self-worth is the thoughts and emotions we have about ourselves, influencing how we perceive others and interact with the world. Self-worth is your own deeply held feeling about your value as a person.
Having low self-confidence makes it hard to try new things or reach for new challenges. Having low self-worth undermines what you are willing to do for yourself. It prevents you from believing in yourself as a human being, from setting and enforcing boundaries, and from standing up for yourself.
The say self confidence makes you more attractive. I’ve been told by countless people that my confidence and assertiveness is something that radiates through a room and draws people in.
Self-worth can be attractive, but it’s mostly attractive in the fact that it attracts certain kinds of people to you. Those with a low sense of self-worth attract others with low self-worth- including other codependents, addicts, and narcissists. Your self-worth is sometimes referred to as your vibration.
I’ll dive more into vibrations in a separate post, but for now here is what is essential to understand.
Those with higher vibration or higher energy experience greater personal power, clarity, peace, love, and joy. They easily deal with their emotions, and attract others with high vibrations. When your vibration is high, you are emitting a frequency that is geared towards your goals in life.
Similarly, those with lower vibrations attract others with lower vibrations. When you think sad or negative thoughts about yourself, you give off a low, negative vibration.
Someone with a healthy sense of self-worth is much less likely to become codependent or be in a codependent relationship because they are not looking for someone else’s approval to survive emotionally. They are less affected by external events and understand that external events aren’t a reflection of their value. People motivated by a desire to please others and win their approval are lacking in their own sense of self-worth and end up in codependent relationships because they want to please their partner instead of having their own needs met.
When a person’s self-confidence increases, they are likely to have healthier relationships with others (attracting high vibrations!) and act less codependently.