Do you find your relationships having eerily similar aspects? I’ll start today with the conclusion: it’s not your fault, but it is you, my friends, not everyone else. Codependents have an unhealthy way of relating to others.
If you’re someone that is suffering from codependency, then you relate to all people in a codependent way, which is why you may be seeing relationship patterns repeat themselves.
Let’s back up a bit.
Often you’ll see adult children of alcoholics marry alcoholics. Or people who grow up in violent homes recreate those same homes as adults- sometimes as victims again or sometimes by making others victims. And women with emotionally distant fathers or emotionally overinvolved mothers tend to be emotionally distant with their sons and overinvolved with their daughters. Why is this?
Why does this happen?
When you repeat the same dysfunctional relationship patterns from relationship to relationship or between various persons in your life, it’s because your behaviors of relating were learned in childhood.
Not shockingly to anyone probably reading this, it’s not because people want to repeat these patterns. It’s because it’s familiar. Because it’s learned. Because it’s in our subconscious. Because we don’t value ourselves (again, learned).
If this is something that you notice in your relationships, you have to break up with the pattern of unhealthy relating to others. Not just the person you’re seeing. Not just your mom who is emotionally abusive. You have to break up with the way you interact with others.
We repeat what we don’t repair.Tweet
Get in touch with the inner version of you and go back to being authentically you – not a false version of self that you created to deal with the people in your life. Do the work. Read the book. Ask the hard questions. Find the therapist. Get into the group support sessions. You can heal these wounds of childhood and reprogram the way you relate to others so you can break the cycle and stop attracting people into your life that will continue to harm you.
You can do it. You are worth it.
Not sponsored, but in case you’re interested in one of the resources that worked wonders for me: I’d love to recommend my Narcissistic Abuse Life Coach- Yitz Epstein with the Psychological Healing Center. Working through these relationship patterns with him has helped me to break the cycle of my unhealthy style of relating. I could not possibly recommend his services any more, and I am not someone that likes anything that feels like a commodity, which some types of commercial counseling can be. His system for breaking down your inner programming WORKS, and I’d encourage you to reach out to him via email or the phone for a free consultation if you’re interested.