Good morning, it’s June. JUNE!
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? It feels like the 250th day of March, honestly.
Time has had almost zero meaning these last 2.5 months. Hours feel like days, some days feel like months, and others feel like a blip on the radar of the week. Quarantine, social distancing from friends and family, plus a move across the country has all led to time meaning almost nothing. Is it 7pm? Oh wait, no- it just feels like 7pm and it’s really only 2pm. Relatable?
Yet here we are… June 1, 2020. I’m going to share something a bit off topic today, but I think that my fellow empaths and codependents could absolutely take a lot away from this, so bear with me.
Have you jumped on the bandwagon of having a word or theme of the year? Sometime in the last decade, this became pretty popular, almost to the point where I think I know more people that have a word or a theme of the year than set resolutions when a new year dawns. I do both, but this year my word (well, it’s actually two words) was “expectantly optimistic.”
In my mentoring sessions over the course of last year, my mentor pointed out that I seemed to be endlessly optimistic about a lot of things, unless they had to do with me. And that maybe I should manifest some of my own destiny by expecting good things for my life.
That really resonated with me, so much so that I decided expectant optimism would be my theme for 2020.
I should also note that I had a good laugh when this was first brought up. I am known in every professional circle I’ve ever been in as the cynic by most of my peers (although I’ve found the C-Suite usually calls it pragmatic). I feel like I earn my living poking holes in arguments and thinking of everything that can go wrong, so it took a minute for me to see how someone else could see me as optimistic.
But I am. I believe people are good. I believe love prevails. I believe that freedom will ring and all will be right in the end. I just had a hard time applying those things to my own life and expectations for myself.
Now, Australian wildfires, global pandemic, murder hornets, and riots aside, 2020 has been a year of blessings for me, personally and professionally.
Within weeks of embracing my 2020 theme, good things actually started to be for me. I landed a new job in Florida, something I didn’t think would be possible for years. And not just Florida, but right in Central Florida where I dreamed of being again. The position was a promotion, the substantive work exhilarating. There was monthly international travel. Mila got a spot in the Montessori School that Nico and Gabi were at six months earlier than expected. The house I built in Pittsburgh sold days before the shut down began. The sale didn’t fall through despite everything else going on in the world. I found a beautiful home in a gorgeous town and a wonderful new school for the kids to attend. Expecting good things…worked.
I’ve always believed in manifestation and the law of attraction. The latter of those involving attracting something already out there in the universe, and the former creating something that isn’t already there.
Now- codependents and empaths listen up!
I wonder how much of my lack of expecting good things was because I had a diminished sense of value over the last decade of my life? Because I failed to see my worth separate from what I brought to the table or could offer? Is that possible? Anyone relate?
The more I thought about being expectantly optimistic, which coincided with my continued deep dive into understanding my codependency, the more I realized I don’t think I had some lofty vision for myself because I didn’t think I deserved it.
I didn’t even realize how far down that rabbit hole I had fallen; how much I had allowed myself to come to believe that I just wasn’t meant to get out of the rut I was in professionally or have someone love me because of who I was, not in spite of it.
Yet, I didn’t feel unhappy.
But was I?
I’m going to explore that in a separate post, because it’s only with time that I’ve come to realize how absolutely disconnected I was from how I was feeling at any given time.
But what I’d love for you to consider and, if you will, take away from this post — do you expect good things in your life? Not in an entitled, spoiled brat kind of way. But in a hopeful, optimistic, you deserve it manner? I challenge you think on that this week and even embrace an attitude of expectant optimism with me for the remainder of this year. I don’t know that we can optimism our way our of this global pandemic, but I can only imagine how good the world can be if we all expected better.
Have a great week friends, and stay safe.