I’m sure you’ve heard some iteration of the phrase, “if you do what you’ve always done you’ll get what you always got.”
It’s a tired and true phrase that correctly postures about results, much to the chagrin if anyone who kept doing the same thing and expected the outcome to change.
Somewhat incredulously, it’s annoying that the same thing is true for most human relationships. But surely you’ve been there too, where you just assume the other person will eventually change? Yea, you had to learn that lesson the hard way to?
Glad I wasn’t the only one.
Wait, that’s not even true. I wish we both could be spared that long hard lesson.
As a recovering codependent and empath, I’ve made lots of progress in this area.
I personally have an extremely high tolerance for bullsh*t. Anyone that knows me knows that I am fiercely loyal, to a fault. I will be for you, with you, fighting alongside you… as much and as hard as I can (and then some) because that’s just who I am.
Until I’m not.
Yes, you can push me to a point of no return. You can use me, abuse me, and spit me out a few times and I’ll let you. I won’t like it, and I’ll tell you as much, but I’ll cut you some slack.
Until I don’t.
I’m pretty black and white. Despite being a lawyer and loving operating in grey space, I’m hot or cold in my personal life. I have a switch that I just flip and that’s the end. But it takes me a long while to get there.
You see, you can’t get something different if you accept the same bullsh*t from people every day. You have to change what you are willing to put up with. You have to elevate your standards.
You see, most people don’t change unless they want to. You can’t live someone to change, love them to health, love them to sobriety. You can try, and you might even succeed for a little bit, but you’ll ultimately fail because they will ultimately fail unless they want it for thrnselves.
You can be blinded by what you want someone to be – or even by who they show you they can be from time to time – but those rose colored glasses are just glasses. That’s not reality. If you’re getting glimpses of a different side of someone’s character than what you thought – that’s who they are.
Maya Angelou said it best: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.
Have a great week everyone!